John's Blog

In the quest for love, I often wonder if the games people play are intentional, or could it be that the antics are fabricated in our own perceptions?  Prone to overthinking, I am often guilty of analysing the pretzels out of all gestures of kindness within the context of a relationship. "What did they mean with this?" "What was the purpose of that?" "Is this love, or are they toying with me?"  Riddled with insecurities, I observe, mentally record, and scrutinize with "OCD" repetition and accuracy, every. single. little. thing. Unfortunately, the doubt and paranoia eventually creates the distance I imagined between myself and those I had hoped to love.  It's with agonising humiliation that I recently realised I am my worst enemy when it comes to intimacy. The conclusion followed the realisation that I don't always recognise "love" when I see or experience it.  In striving for a healthier life, I've made a commitme...

School was a perpetual state of fog as far as I was concerned. Even in the lower grades I struggled to comprehend and connect to the lessons on offer. Simple instructions would cause me great anxiety. A simple instruction like: “Close your eyes and imagine a big old oak tree!” So, can you do it? Can you close your eyes and instantly visualize an old oak tree projected from the depths of your brain onto the inside of your forehead? You can? Good for you! But not everyone can do this. Well, I can’t. I have to talk my way through the picture. I speak the oak tree into my imagination.