John's Blog

  Living Beyond the Box: Breaking Free from the Habits That Trap Us Have you ever felt stuck? Not physically, but mentally—trapped in the predictable patterns of daily life. It’s comfortable. It’s safe. But it’s also limiting. Living “inside the box” is about following routines that protect us from discomfort yet keep us from experiencing growth, excitement, or purpose. Living beyond the box requires courage. It means challenging the habits, fears, and mindsets that keep us confined. In this blog, we’ll explore four things that keep people trapped and offer four strategies—plan, principles, persistence, and purpose—to help you break free. What Keeps Us Inside the Box? 1. Fear of Failure Fear is one of the strongest barriers to change. Whether it’s fear of embarrassment, rejection, or the unknown, it convinces us that staying where we are is safer than taking risks. For example, think of the countless people who dream of starting their own business but never try because they’re afra...

In the quest for love, I often wonder if the games people play are intentional, or could it be that the antics are fabricated in our own perceptions?  Prone to overthinking, I am often guilty of analysing the pretzels out of all gestures of kindness within the context of a relationship. "What did they mean with this?" "What was the purpose of that?" "Is this love, or are they toying with me?"  Riddled with insecurities, I observe, mentally record, and scrutinize with "OCD" repetition and accuracy, every. single. little. thing. Unfortunately, the doubt and paranoia eventually creates the distance I imagined between myself and those I had hoped to love.  It's with agonising humiliation that I recently realised I am my worst enemy when it comes to intimacy. The conclusion followed the realisation that I don't always recognise "love" when I see or experience it.  In striving for a healthier life, I've made a commitme...

The most common topic people talk about around personal development is the meaning of life, "why exactly am I here?" Life is less about discovering purpose, and more about choosing a meaning to give to life. When a dog wakes up in the morning, it doesn't ponder the reason for being a dog. It didn't have to go on a quest to discover its purpose. The dog simply gets up and does doggy things, it has no choice in the matter Fortunately, or not, people get to choose their own purpose. For most, selecting a reason to live is frightening. The thought of committing to a single mission can be more intimidating than getting a permanent tattoo, or picking a partner, for life! Those seeking a life mission often seem to wait for the heavens to open, as they watch a beautiful white dove flutter down and land of their shoulder. With a voice like James Earl Jones, they then expect the divine messenger to tell them what to do in life. Life is more grounded than that, and pu...

Manifesting your desire needs knowledge of three things; know where you've come from; know who you are; and know what you want.  Jack and Sally are a young couple struggling through a turbulent life, with hopes of better things to come. It's been a wrestle to get where they are now, and for the most part, they are positive the situation will eventually turn around.  Once in a while, Jack will sit down to check if he is steering his life in the right direction. On one such occasion, Jack spoke aloud to himself, asking: "why isn't my dream manifesting?" "Well, what is your dream," asked a little voice. Shocked by the question, Jack looked around for the source of the voice, eventually noticing a little ant watching him from the table.  Amused by the talking ant, Jack said, "I'm not sure what I want, but I know that I'm sick of the results I have." The ant studied Jack for a moment, and then asked, "Well, who are you? What ...

You cannot grow and improve inwardly, but remain stagnant outwardly.  The driven work endlessly to refine and reshape what they understand to be the soul, to better reflect devine intent. This work, can at times, become overwhelming, with no apparent end in sight. The goal too seems to be ever moving further and further away, dragging with it all hopes of sudden victory.  The drained glimpse over a weary shoulder, wishing to see relief's sweet approach. Occasionally, they scan the horizon, longing to see anything that resembles their "ship" coming home to dock. All the while they deliberately grow, forcing themselves into better moulds.  Faint not, seeker, for in due season you shall reap. The constant labour you exert to become great inwardly, prepares the road for greatness outwardly. Today, you stand in your work clothes, at the work bench, still toiling at and pondering about a more desired life. Tomorrow, sweaty and fatigued, you will open the door to more...

It's amazing how quickly carrying a kid on your back around the zoo can drain your energy and enthusiasm. The same is true for your vision, but the ones you piggyback don't always deserve the lift. Momentum-leeches will ride you like a vision-uber, with no interest in your goals, and will desert you when they get to their destination at your expense.   There are few things in life that are as infectiously beautiful as a playful puppy, a baby laughing, and someone with a vision. The energy and vibrancy oozing from a new visionary is attractive, designed to draw in a capable team, enthusiastic supporters, and willing sponsors.  Once your vision gains a little momentum, it gains the attention of those around you. Excitement, hope and structure drives you to your end picture, and attracts help and opportunities needed to turn your vision into reality. It also signals the momentum vampires to move in.   Arriving with fanfare, energy thieves blister you with complim...

Let's take a moment to pause on this day, World Cancer day, and say, "I care," to those that continue to fight against the disease. We remember, and pay tribute to those that have fallen in this terrible battle.  World Cancer day offers the opportunity to highlight another subtle and deadly form of the disease, the cancer of caring. It has oozed it's way into the deepest fabric of our societies, infected the bone marrow of our social economies, and eats away at the very core of our coexistence. You may think the claim is crazy, and have possibly never noticed the symptoms, but I promise you; the disease has already infected you.   I first diagnosed the cancer at a breakfast with Ben. He is an elderly gentleman with a kind heart, and a lot of wisdom to share. Once a week, Ben and I go for breakfast at a popular restaurant chain. Each week, we are greeted by friendly faces always eager to wait at our table. As usual, Ben will greet each waiter by their name, mak...

Walking along a desolate sandbar on the shores of an Indian river, Payeng's heart broke as he wept aloud for the death he witnessed.  All forms of reptiles and birds had died of exposure to a terrible storm on the river banks just days before. The cruel sandbank offered the animals no protection from the elements.    Fourteen year old Payeng went home and devised a plan. It was simple, he would plant and nurture saplings on the desolate sandbank until there was enough habitat to offer protection to all the animals. This plan would also prevent soil erosion on the largest river island, Majuli.  Thirty years later, Mr. Payeng has planted enough trees to create a forest covering 550 hectors, the equivalent of fifteen football stadiums. The Molai forest, created by Payeng, is now home to deer, tigers, rabbits, birds and more. How is this possible?  The dedication of one person to do something each day that may only make a small difference in the moment,...

There are no hop, skip, or jumps to greatness. Success in life is a systematic process, where one step follows the next. You can turn the speed dial any way you like, but you can't miss steps.  Have you heard the one where the computer programmer comes home with six cartons of milk. His wife, with a belligerent look on her face , says: "I told you to bring one carton of milk, and if they have apples, bring six." "Exactly," said the husband.  The husband and programmer, in this story followed his wife's instructions in the same way that he would program a computer. A computer carries out instruction one line at a time. If the supermarket didn't have apples, he would have brought home only one milk carton. This addition to the computers instruction is called a "condition."  Some people would argue that the wife implied that the husband should bring home six apples if the store had them in stock. Yes, this was implied, but a computer...

So, imagine you're the winner on a game show and you get to choose your own prize. The options are a bottle of water and a fat diamond. Which would you choose?  The answer is obvious... the diamond, of course.  Okay, let's change the situation. Imagine that you were lost in the desert for a few blistering hot days, and suffer from dehydration. Which one would you choose between the bottle of water and the diamond this time? The diamond would be of little value to you, as you are lost, dying, and unsure you would get out of the desert alive. In this situation, you value the bottle of water more than the diamond. This method of putting a value of something, is called utility value. Utility is the value of an object, knowledge or a person, determined by how useful it/they are in the "now" situation. This way of valuing something also offers an insight to Maslow's hierarchy of Needs model.  Most people live by utility, and plod around Maslows lower levels of...

In a direct but empty competition for "King of the Castle" between vision and mission, mission wins, hands down!   Before you drag me to the gallows, let's look at what we should know about both vision and mission.   Mission is the skills and task we perform daily to achieve an outcome, like a fisherman selecting the right tackle and bait, casting to the right spot and owning enough patience to wait for the fish to bite.   Your mission can evolve as you gain mastery in the related skills and tasks, but it will always look the same, like a fisherman progressing from standing on the shore catching tiddly winks, to owning a boat catching once-in-a-life monsters - it's all still fishing!   Vision is the "hooray" to missions "hip hip." Vision is the shiny outcome that we aim at, like the fisherman aiming to catch one hundred fish in just one hundred days - and doing it!!    Vision is the bright chrome and brilliant paint job on our fancy car,...

Get out of the box Part 5 - Fear of Failure.  We've briefly looked at three sides of the box that keeps us in complacency. Surprisingly, the emphasises in the last side is not on failure, but on the fear of that failure.   If I asked you: "What's the opposite of success," are you likely to answer with: "failure"? Most people would, and why not? That's what we've been taught.   We have, however, seen in this series that Thomas Edison, with his ten thousand attempts at making the light bulb, doesn't regard failure as the opposite of success, but rather, he sees failure as a necessary part of the path to success. Many great people from history share Edison's view of failure.   So, what would Edison and his illustrious group of powerful friends regard as the opposite of success? The answer is "fear."  By way of simple definition, success means "satisfactory completion of a goal, task or action." Success is the happy...

Get out of the box - Part 4 - Fear of the unknown.    The most common barrier to getting out of the box of complacency is the fear of the unknown. When encountering this fear in others, you must know that they have not planned!    Planning removes the impact of the "unknown" element, and replaces it with "calculated risk."    People wrongly believe that they can just "wing it" through this life, and still enjoy the benefits of success. Nothing could be further from the truth.    Winging it through life is like standing up on a public platform to do an unprepared speech - it results in a lot of incoherent rambling that goes nowhere and means nothing.   When asked to prepare for a thirty minute speech at Cambridge University, Winston Churchill said he needed two weeks to prepare. When asked how long he would need to prepare for a two hour speech, he replied "I'm ready now."    Life is like a thirty minute speech, it ne...

Why are we really here? To pay tax and then die?   Goodness! I hope there is a lot more to our existence on this odd little rock than death and taxes.     I used to observe those people that had clicked into a sense of their purpose with wonder.  Trying to find the common key to unlock my own destiny, I noted that just as many of the purposeful where devotees to some form of religion as those that were not. Spirituality did not seem to be a factor in discovering purpose.    A factor that did separate the purposeful from the rest was the intense sense of self they had.    The purposeful have a clear image of who they are, and embrace it without remorse, and without arrogance. Identifying their talents and abilities, the purposeful unashamesly pursue excellence, allowing their gifts and talents to carry them to the top of their field... and in no uncertain terms - to make a shit load of money in the process.    In contrast,...

Looking around, you will witness a lot of polarity in this world.  Polarity means: for every up there is a down, For every inside there is an outside, For every high there is a low.  Sometimes, these opposite are obvious, but sometimes, these opposites are harder to spot.  Many a therapy session I conduct is with people battling deep lows, unaware that these troubles are not demons, but rather self inflicted balance to their pursuit of frequent highs.  The most common polarity I witness, invisible to most, results in people easily embracing mediocrity, and missing success. This seeming oxymoron is fuelled, I'm told by the average, by the paralysing fear of failure.  Oh sausage! Failure isn't the polarity of success. Failure is an inherent part of the process to success. One simply must fail in order to learn, grow, and win.  What is keeping you from the success you so desire is fear itself. The fear has got you labelling failure negatively,...

Personal & Leadership Skill: Use of Science and Technology Developing ourselves requires conscious planning and focus in specific areas. We should not allow our personal and career development to be haphazard or ad hoc. Having a careless attitude towards our career or personal skills could result in us unwittingly becoming redundant and without purpose in the work place.

Life and Business coaching became an international “buzzword” concept in the early 90’s. As a psychologist, counsellor and pastor, I spent much of my time educating people on the concept of what is a life coach. Today coaching is common in the workplace, yet the need to define what coaching is has now come full circle. Sports coaching is well understood and an easy example for us to investigate. A sports coach passes on specific techniques, designs and oversees the athlete’s training schedule and confronts un-resourceful mindsets to replace it with motivated attitudes.

“If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing badly at first.” Many teams use this quote as a mantra, launching their efforts in a bid to get momentum for their cause. It is true that it is easier to steer a car while it is moving. A stationary vehicle is both impossible to turn and difficult to get rolling. There are a lot of advantages for the team or organisation to get the ball rolling as soon as possible, as changing direction later is common, possible and if managed correctly – powerful.

As every successful athlete knows, as every great salesman has experienced – there is a fine line between failure and success. The difference between a failure and a successful task balances uneasily on the golden pivot of timing! As in sports or in sales – when to lead is as important as how or where. Timing carries with it the potential of four possible outcomes:

It will come as no surprise to someone climbing the Leadership Ladder that leaders have to sacrifice in order to succeed! The glamorous image people have of leadership hides the fact that leaders are called to give up more than anyone else in order to stay up the ladder as a leader. The higher you climb as a leader, the greater the sacrifice you will be called to make. Leadership is marked by true living sacrifices. New and budding leaders often falter when they discover the types of sacrifices they need to make and their growth path changes from one of leadership to one of dictatorship. Here is a brief list of sacrifices a leader will be called to make on their path to success: