Authenticity to Self
An interesting phenomenon occurred amongst the 'WWJD'(What
Would Jesus Do?) bracelet owners. The point of the bracelet was for the person
wearing it to be reminded to consider what Jesus would do in the same situation
that faced the bracelet owner. Those that stopped to ponder the question seemed
to access what they themselves felt, the emotions experienced in the situation
at that moment, and compared it to a set of values they believed were
God-given, or at the very least - the moral high-ground.
With personal religious feelings aside, one has to
acknowledge that this practice assisted the individuals to experience
authenticity on a very personal level. Consider that, although knowing who we
are, what our values are and what we want out of life is important, being
authentic requires us to weight those things against how we actually feel in
the moment.
Knowing our values and being connected to our identity is a
big step in the right direction when it comes to living authentically, but it
is not the full picture. Authenticity is a liquid concept, that requires us to
know who we are, yet put that knowledge aside for a moment to understand and
acknowledge how we feel in that set of circumstances. Knowing who we are and
what we want in our lives allows us to be genuine to our purpose, but it isn't
until we can separate what we feel that we start to move into authenticity.
Let's for a moment consider Jack, an awkward and quiet man. Single
for most of his life, Jack is focused on work, driven, ambitious, emotionally
sensitive and very positive. Friends consider Jack to be gentle and soft
spoken, a real people pleaser. Jack meets and falls in love with a gorgeous
woman who acknowledges his love. Jillian is a sweet God-loving person that is
fashion conscious. They seem to enjoy each other's company and after a year of
courting the pair decided to move into a house together.
The honeymoon period fades quickly with Jillian claiming
that Jack is moody and is given to fits of temper. She insists that he consult
with someone to help him through his anger issues. After listening to the
circumstances the therapist quickly points Jack to the concept of authenticity,
or the lack thereof. Explaining that authenticity is being true to one's
nature, the therapist describes how the emotional rollercoaster Jack experienced
was due to incongruence with self, or not being true to self.
With a few well
placed questions the therapist discovers that Jack grew up in a house of discourse.
Much arguing and bickering between his parents saw Jack decide that he would
not make the same mistakes as his parents in his own relationships. Jack became
quiet, but adopted a very positive outlook on life. He chose to see the best in
those around him, and when it wasn't so, Jack ignored the poor qualities,
favouring only the positive connections. With the help of the therapist Jack
realised his depression was linked to the fact that he was not true to himself
concerning Jillian. As much as he loved her, he thought she was shallow and
obsessed with external beauty. To avoid his parents mistakes Jack just ignored
the feelings caused by these thoughts he had when he was with her.
Jillian was also talkative, which at first Jack thought was
ideal to balance his quiet ways. It frustrated
This vow caused Jack to bury his frustrations concerning his
time with Jillian, causing him to feel depressed and anxious, with more
frequent outburst of anger. Jack was self aware. He also gave expression to his
purpose, but ignored his frustration when Jillian wanted him to go shopping
with her on a Wednesday afternoon, his busiest time at work. The turmoil in the
relationship could have been avoided if Jack accessed the emotions he
experienced at 12 o'clock each Wednesday when Jillian came to fetch him, and in
a calm and adult manner explained to her his situation.
Knowing himself was not enough for Jack to move into
authenticity, as it is more than just self-awareness. Having his heart
communicate openly to his conscious mind about the emotions, and indeed sharing
it with the love of his life, would allow Jack to walk authentically.
Addressing the fact that he thought Jillian was shallow will require tact and
maturity (maybe some roses too), but it will also offer Jillian an opportunity
to open the doors to her authenticity and communicate her intent of heart to
Jack.
Better sleep, deeper communication, healthier mind and a
better understanding of self are but a few of the benefits of walking an
authentic lifestyle. Personally, I am not a fan of wearing jewel, but wearing a
'WWJD' bracelet would help us to stop and consider four important questions
that would assist us to be more authentic:
- What happened?
- What is important to me here?
- What do I feel about this?
- Because of what happened, what is important and what I feel now - what am I going to do next?
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